Arnold's Upcoming Projects Canceled, New Outlets on the Horizon

After publicly confessing his over-ten-year-old affair and subsequent love child with a housekeeper, Schwarzenegger announced that he would be putting all of his future movie and entertainment projects on hold.

In the wake of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recent scandal, it initially seemed that all of the superstar’s future prospects had been put to rest. After publicly confessing his over-ten-year-old affair and subsequent love child with a housekeeper, Schwarzenegger announced that he would be putting all of his future movie and entertainment projects on hold.

Which means, of course, that those who were hoping to see the star of ‘The Terminator’ in the Oscar-baiting horse film ‘Cry Macho’ will have to wait indefinitely. Many pretentious movie critics were crushed by the news, as they had fully expected to be moved to tears at the sight of the Austrian actor attempting to portray a character with more than one dimension.

Movie critic Mick Martin had this to say on the movie’s cancellation: “There is nothing more riveting than seeing an aging actor known only for wooden performances trying and failing to deliver something more. I was fully certain that Cry Macho would be the critics’ darling in the upcoming awards season. Sadly, now it seems that task will have to be taken up by another movie.”

Although the loss of Cry Macho is being lamented by movie critics, animation and comic book fans are crying harder over the termination of Arnold’s animated superhero franchise, The Governator. Unlike Cry Macho, the project was not canceled immediately, but took its good time slowly dying instead.

Since the project was going to include fictionalized versions of Schwarzenegger’s now-estranged family, it was first announced that the show would be re-tooled to exclude them. Later, after realizing the enormous impossibility of turning a grope-happy serial adulterer into a wholesome, lovable superhero for children, the entire project was canned.

However, all is not lost for the ten-or-so remaining die-hard fans who have yet to be put off by Schwarzenegger‘s behavior. Recently the former governor hinted that he might be trying to head in a different direction in entertainment. This was later confirmed when the actor announced he was in talks to star in a new reality show, Staying Schwarzenegger.

Tentatively planned to revolve around Schwarzenegger’s life as he comes to grips with embracing his second, secret family, the show is expected to begin airing on TLC in the fall. “It’s all about me accepting this second family that I tried to hide for so long and showing them to the world.” Schwarzenegger explained. “Even though my first family has left me, now I can get a second chance to be a father. It’s about forgiveness and second chances.”

The TLC network is no stranger to tackling controversial issues in reality TV, from the polygamist drama of Sister Wives to the child exploitation of Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

TLC’s head of programming, Steve Cheskin, issued a statement in response: “We are very happy to become the home of Mr. Schwarzenegger’s new show. TLC has always been proud to present the most morally questionable content that we possible can. With this show, we hope to continue our long line of exploitative reality TV programming centered on large, unorthodox families in crisis.”

Matthew Warren is a sci-fi fan, wanna-be astronomer and a programmer by day, when not working on Things Nerds Like.